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Kim
Oct. 31st, 2005
08:59 pm
Happy Fucking Halloween..or w/e.
today i went home to see my pops and my gramma...thats all. aside from class and work...
anyways...were off again..me and brian..well you shuold ahve figured that was going to happen..cuz I DID..this time though, im done..im not giving it another shot EVER again, theres nothing left...its all gone and ive got nothing left to give. so thats it for that...gotta move on..
to quote nickelback...
Hard to say it, time to say it, Goodbye Goodbye.
Oct. 16th, 2005
01:55 pm
Ok so long story short.
Ive been without brian for almost a month now..or pretty much a month. ive been seeing somoene else...an so in the past week ive been talking to brian a lot..on the phone online etc but havent seen him for like a month and he had gotten to gether with some girl..one of his residents in Litchfield..but yesterday he Imed me and said "look at my facebook" basically telling me that thy had broke up. then we talk a little..and he goes away...but leaves me one last IM saying decode this..and it was a bunch of letters mixed totgether with a code at the end example e=y or soemthing like that...so after decoding it it came out to..eye ms ewe...and me and erica were like wtf does that mean..and so i asked him and he was like think outside the box..in case you didnt figure it out its..I miss you. so it was cute and i went over and now were togehter..sort of. his ex of like a week..lol is pretyty pissed which i find funny..but its all good.
so well see this time..it seems different this time..like it was him bringing me back not me begging for forgivness..so...keep your fingers crossed for me..i want my happy ending.
Sep. 29th, 2005
11:40 am
x.A is for - Age: 20
x.B is for - Boyfriend/Girlfriend: no not anymore...
x.C is for - Career in future: Teacher hopefully
x.D is for - Dad's name: Glen
x.E is for - Essential item to bring to a party: a drink possibly the good ole drinkin hat
x.F is for - Favorite song at the moment: bellydancer
x.G is for - Guy/Girls you've kissed: omg i cant even list all of them..sersouly
x.H is for - Hometown: Oxford
x.I is for - Instruments you play: piano...kindof
x.J is for - Job title: im a daycare professional LOL
x.K is for - Kids:not now
x.L is for - Living arrangement: Grasso Hall
x.M is for - Mom's name: MOMMIE...marlene actually
x.N is for - Number of people you've slept with: umm...i think ill lie here and make myslef feel less slutty...4...times 2...add one and then give or take 3 more MAN im a skank
x.O is for - Overnight hospital stays: 0
x.P is for - Phobia[s]: dying, spiders
x.Q is for - Quote you like: If you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours.
x.R is for - Relationship that lasted the longest: um 2 yrs with bri
x.S is for - Sexual position : haha im not going to give details
x.T is for - Time you wake up: different everyday
x.U is for - Unique trait: uh i dont know what that means
x.V is for - Vegetable you love: lettuce becuase its good...tomatoes are good too
x.W is for - Worst habit: procrastination
x.X is for - X-rays: dentist, my hand after i put it through a windsheild
x.Y is for - Yummy food you make: pasta!!!!
x.Z is for - Zodiac sign: Cancer
a p p e a r a n c e .
x.HEIGHT: 5'2
x.HAIR COLOR: brown
x.SKIN COLOR: white
x.EYE COLOR: blue
x.PIERCINGS: 2 in my earlobe that im currently using (3 not in use) both ear nubby things called tragus's and belly button
x.TATTOOS: 2...one of a star with anthonys name in it...and the chinese symbol for passion
. r i g h t n o w .
x.WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: blue
x.WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: micheal friggen bolton
x.WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: gum?
x.WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: cold and sunny finallly
x.HOW ARE YOU?: im a little hungry..but otherwise goood
. d o y o u . . .
x.GET MOTION SICKNESS: yes i do
x.GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: yesm
. f a v o r i t e . . .
x.TV SHOW: Friends
x.CONDITIONER: herbal essenses
x.BOOK: The Notebook
x.MAGAZINE: Cosmo
x.NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: ummm coke i guess
x.THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: PARTYYYYY
x.BAND OR GROUP: oh boy...probly Mest
. h a v e y o u . . .
x.BROKEN THE LAW: ya
x.RAN AWAY FROM HOME: no
x.SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: no
x.EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: no
x.MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: yes
x.EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: ew noo thats grossssss
x.USED YOU PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: when they were with me
x.FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: passed out yes..after i gave blood and the EMT saw me naked ewww
x.BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY:yes in elementry school
x.LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: absolutley all of the time
. l o v e .
x.BOYFRIEND: now..no...but i still love him
x.GIRLFRIEND: ew no
x.SEXUALITY: straight
x.CHILDREN: nope
x.CURRENT CRUSH: eh...2 i guess a crush on someone and then i just love brian :(
x.BEEN IN LOVE?: yes..but i would consider it more than love..thers no word
x.HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: yes thats where i am now
x.TOO SHY?: gettin there
x.BEEN HURT?: yes
x.YOUR GREATEST REGRET: losing brian..and not having the best relationship with Anthony all of the time
x.GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: haha yea
. r a n d o m .
x.DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yup Daycare
x.YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Michael Bolton
x.IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: PINK
x.WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: my family my friends and brian...so i guess im not 100% happy now
x.WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: everyone who i just mentioned
x.WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: nickleback
x.WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: My roomie and Essica...my best
x.WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: Drink and sing to Michael Bolton..oh and have lots of sex
. w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t . . .
x.TIME YOU CRIED?:Today
x.YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: Last year when sarah sent me one
x.YOU GOT E-MAIL: today from my beautiful mommie
x.THING YOU PURCHASED: some new Vickies undies today
x.TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Yankees game
x.MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: 40 Yr old Virgin
Sep. 25th, 2005
07:56 pm
In the Last week..
1. Had sex: yes
2. Bought something: Yes
3. Gotten sick: no thank god
4. Sang: Yes with my roomie
5. Been kissed: yes :)
6. Ate something: Yes
7. Felt stupid: yes
8. Talked to an ex: yes
9. Missed someone: yes
Last person who....
1. Slept in your bed: derek
2. Saw you cry: sarah, derek and rob last night after it turned anthonys bday
3. Went to the movies with: derek to see 40 yr old virgin LOL funny movie
4. You went to the mall with: roomie today
Have You Ever...
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: Yes
2. Got in a fight with your pet: no, ive yelled at her but she didnt yell bacl
3. Been to California: no..but close
4. Been to Mexico: No but close
5. Been to China: No
6. Been to Canada: yes
7. Been to Europe: no
8. Wished you were the opposite sex: yes because i ahve my period and UGH
Questions, Questions....
1. Do you have a crush on someone: yes
2. What book are you reading now: none
3. Worst feeling in the world: being alone and losing somoene you love with all of your heart
4. Future KIDS names: i dont know..well see when we get to that time
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: yes
6. Favorite sports to watch: baseball GO YANKEES
7. Current Location: dorm room
8. Piercing/Tattoos: my ears, belly button and a tattoo with anthonys name in a star on my hipish???, and the chinese symbol for passion on my back
9. Hot weather or cold? hot...or warm
11. What are you most scared of right now: um being hurt again
12. Where do you want to get married: well see
13. What do you really hate: assholes,lier and spiders
14. Do you have a job: yes
15. Do you like being around people: yes
16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: yes
17. Have you ever cried: yes
18. Are you lonely right now: not really
19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: Come back down, lifehouse
20. Been in love: yes
21. Played strip poker: no :(
22. Got lost: yes
23. Done an all-nighter: yes
24. Cheated on a bf/gf: yes...oops sorry
25. had sexual feelings for the same sex: EW OMG NO
26. had someone die that you loved: yes loved very much
What is/was?
27. longest phone call: probly with brian
30. longest relationship: 2 years
31. longest fight with a friend: couple days
32. your longest fight with a bf/gf: couple days
01:05 pm - Happy Birthday
HAPPY 21ST ANTHONY!!!!!!!
last night at 12 we all, except sarah cuz shes chicken shit, took a shot for Anthony cuz its his 21st and ya know..he cant take it but if he was still here...he def wold have been drunk! so we toasted to him and then i cried a little. then i got drunk and it was all celebration! yay 21 y/o!!!
i love you Anthony!!!!
Sep. 21st, 2005
03:43 pm
so im forgeting brian all togetther...we can be friends but im done with everything else. all that was there has just gone away...and i must admit im having fun w/ other people :)
Sep. 17th, 2005
04:57 pm
and were back to me being single..its a good thing i had myself prepared for this this time.
im throwing in the towel, im done.
my heart is nothing but roadkill on the ground after being run over wth a mack truck..NUMEROUS times.
last night...def fun. no need to stress about brian
Sep. 14th, 2005
02:46 pm
k well im not going to write about everything that happened..but good news is im with brian again.
yes thats right! :) and now its good. for noq...???
Sep. 8th, 2005
08:51 am - why me?
Well as far as me and Brian goes, I guess were just over. somehow I am not taking it well. i wake up everymorning expecting him to be there and when he isnt, it like it hits me all over again and my stomach gets really sick..i wish there was a way to fix this but sadly, i do not think there is. im in a place where all day, i pretend to be ok, i fake a smile, i laugh along but at the end of the day when im all alone, that is exactly what i am...all alone, and i dont know how to be alone. i feel like i know i could find someone else, but i dont want anyone else, ive never felt this good with anyone else.
i hate college and i hate life and i hate the way i feel right now
and i really fucking miss Anthony
Aug. 27th, 2005
11:52 am
So today is the last day before i go back to school. i am so excited to go its ridiculous,
Over these last few months i have lost a good friend, and things have been rough with the love of my life. so im excited to just let it all go and get back to doing something that stops me from thinking of all that shit.
So i would like thank my friends for getting me through this horrible summer, Jessica and obviously Jay who listened to ALL my bitching and moaning and crying and did the best he could to make me feel better...your an awesome friend and i <3 you! :)
sooo, im throwin in the towel on the worst summer of my life...
Aug. 24th, 2005
09:37 pm - im sad
Come a little closer baby,
I feel like layin you down
On a bed of sweet surrender
Where we can work it all out
THere ain't nothin that love can't fix
Girl it's right here at our fingertips
So come a little closer baby
I feel like layin you down
Come a little closer baby
I feel like lettin go
Of everything that stands between us
And the love we used to know
I want to touch you like a cleansin rain
And let it wash all the hurt away
So come a little closer baby
I feel like lettin go
If there's stll a chance then take my hand
And we'll steadl away
Off into the night 'til we make things right
THe sun's funna rise on a better day
Come a little closer baby
I feel like strippin it down
Back to the basics of you and me
And what makes the world go 'round
Every inch of you against my skin
I wanna be stronger than we've ever been
SO come a little closer baby
I feel like strippin it down
COme a little closer baby
Just a little closer baby
Come a little closer baby
I feel like layin you down.
So cute.
I feel like brian is slippin away and there isnt a damn thing i can do to stop it. its like hes running and i can stand right there in front of him but he runs right through me. i feel hopeless. i have never loved a single person like i love him and its making me crazy to think that i might lose that. im so scared to never feel again the way i feel when im with him. i just want to be with him and i just feel like he doesnt want that anymore, and i dont know if i can do that. i just wish things could go back to the way they were before.
im so sad.
Aug. 18th, 2005
07:16 pm
She's bittersweet,
She knocks me off of my feet,
And I can't help myself I don't want anyone else.
Today I was soooo tired at work, and i have no idea why. i got a calazone when i got home though so YAY.
I cant wait to move back into school in 10 days, i feel like its been so long since ive seen brian but really its only been like 5 days :( i cant wait to see him on sunday and i cant wait to move back in to school so i can see him all of the time...
I feel like Brian is drifting still, i dont know if its just because hes doing his RA training and stuff but i guess thats just how it seems, but hopefully it will be different when i get back to school and we see each other all of the time.
i guess i just wish it was 10 years from now and things were easier.
Aug. 14th, 2005
07:12 pm
in the newspaper the other day it read,
The DA released the results of the autopsy performed on the pittsfield man found in october mountain state forest last month. 20 year old Anthony Colucci died after being stabbed multiple times in his torso.
now im a wreck.
Aug. 8th, 2005
08:53 pm
Some days are good days and some days are bad days.
Today was a bad day, all day i couldnt think of a single thing except for Anthony and all the things i miss about him.
I realllly miss his random phone calls and random voicemails that made NO sence but made me laugh my ass off and no matter what he said that was soooo ridiculous, i always called him back. and i realllly miss him
when will this stop?
i feel like everyday it hits me a little harder, sometimes i guesss i think it is just not really happpening..
i miss you anthony.
Aug. 4th, 2005
07:06 pm
So seriously, this summer sucked directly on my asshole, and its been the worst yet. aside from the fact that i spent a lot of time with my bestest friend Essica, who i miss a lot while im at college, it has been horrific.
literally, i cannot wait to go back to school, August 28 cannot come soon enough and thankfully that is a mere 3 1/2 weeks from now YAY.
i suppose i learned a few things this summer, but for the most part it sucked. while on my vacation, i got sun poisoning and couldnt lay out in the sun for the rest of the trip. then i went to Massachusetts to relax and instead i find out that my friend is missing. later he is found dead, my byofriend and i go on a break and im all kinds of screwed up.
now though, i am getting better slowly. my boyfriend is back and things are good.
Im getting a tattoo on the 11th with an "A" in the middle..standing for 2 things,
1. Anthony, so he will always be a part of me even in death, but im getting a star so i hope to add the first initial of other people i lose in the future, hopefully the FARR future but its bound to happen eventually so i might as well be honest.
and
2. beacuse it is my last name and eventually i will no longer be an Anderson, but it will continue to be a part of me. (hopefully ill be a rondeau :)
so im excieted about that
i miss my essica for being on vacation UGH..
i also miss my Brian beacuse i jsut left him todat and i dont want to wait an entire week and 3 days to see him again ugh..
Aug. 3rd, 2005
Aug. 1st, 2005
06:40 pm
Ive been cheated,
Been mistreated,
When will I be loved?
I been pushed down,
I been pushed around,
When will I be loved?
When I find a new man,
That I want for life,
He Always breaks my heart in two,
It happens everytime.
I been made blue,
I been lied to,
When will I be loved?
I been cheated
Been mistreated,
When will I be loved?
When will I be loved?
Tell me when will I be loved?
Jul. 28th, 2005
01:27 pm
i just lost my entire life.
i lost the only person that i loved more than anything.
i lost my world
and i lost a friend
why am i still alive?
someone please come to my house and take me out of my misery.
thank you
Jul. 20th, 2005
01:05 pm
so last night i had this dream, in this dream i heard this song, it was a man and a woman singing it and it was saying, "how can i help you say goodbye, its ok to hurt and its ok to cry" etc and i was like that sounds familiar so i came online this morning and looked up the words, and its a real song. so i got a little weirded out i guess you could say.
These are the exact words.
Time will ease your pain,
Life is about changing nothing ever stays the same,
How can I help you to say goodbye?
Its OK to hurt and its OK to cry.
COme let me hold you and I will try...
How can I help you to say goodbye?
SO i dont know where that song came from since i never heard it before, im downloading it now but it sounds the same as it did in my dream except its only a woman that sings it.
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melancholyJul. 18th, 2005
10:24 am
On July 4th my friend Anthony Colucci went missing, all this time even though its been 2 weeks, i had this false hope that he was alive and someone would find him soon. yesterday they found his body in a state forest where his truck had been found on the 8th. please pray for him.
Rest in Peace Anthony....
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